I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
