I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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