Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
