I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had to cum in my sink.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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