Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Please don't give away my fajitas
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