i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
