We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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