Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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