Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
