I puked a lego.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
