Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
