my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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