This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
