Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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