I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
