get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
