Pants 0. Shit 1.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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