when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
