Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
