If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
