He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
