this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
