Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
