He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
