Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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