He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
