Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
