One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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