Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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