you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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