eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
