I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
