i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
