Its about making memories worth repressing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
