Got a toothbrush?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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