Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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