Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
