I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
where are my eyebrows?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
