hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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