i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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