What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
