we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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