She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
