I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
