or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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