So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize