Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
