i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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