see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh god it's open bar.
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