so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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