my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
