After last night, I could never be a politician.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
