i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
