she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
