pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
