I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
