It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
