You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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