just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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