I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
