My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
