If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
PANTIES FOUND
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
