I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
