mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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