dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
