Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
