I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
