i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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