I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
