God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
