it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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