and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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