uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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